Fallen Star
by xBloodyDagger
Summary: Raven struggles with her emotions and powers, desperate for a way to feel, without destroying everything she loves. Its basically focused on Raven and this is a bad summary but I don’t want to give anything away. Rated for bloodiness in later chapters
1. Default Chapter

The Titans lay sprawled around the common room, enjoying some downtime while the criminals were too scared to make a move. As usual, Beast Boy and Cyborg were arguing over some video game, Star was concocting some alien food that smelled like the bottom of an old shoe, and Raven lounged on the couch, her attention fixed on a small black book. Robin, the fearless leader as always, was sitting at a computer terminal, searching through newspaper clippings for anything bizarre.

"Yo, Robin, give it a rest man, come on, i need a real oppenent at this..." Cyborg said, dodging Beast Boy as he turned into a gorilla and tacked the half-robot. Robin grinned at his teammates briefly, looking between the computer and the video game. Finally, he flicked off the screen and vaulted over the couch, snatching a controller from the mayhem that beast boy and cyborg had become. Just then Star entered, triumphantly carrying a foul smelling tray.

"Friends! Please partake in my freshly made-"

"HAHA! I WIN!" Beast Boy interrupted, emerging with the other controller in hand. Robin and Beast Boy began the game while Cyborg sulked and Star, oblivious to the other's distate, began to devour her meal. Glancing up from her book, Raven surveyed the scene around her, rolling her eyes upward at the antics of her friends. Despite herself, Raven felt an emotion rising up in her, seeing her friends like this, so carefree, made her feel safe. No, it was more then that, it made her feel _happy_. Unbidden, a small smile escaped her lips. Suddenly, there was the sound of an explosion and a light bulb above Raven was momentarily covered in dark energy, then burst into glass shards, causing the other four Titans to momentarily freeze as sparks and glass flew about the room. Cursing silently, Raven leapt up from the couch, angry at herself for letting her guard down. Unfortunately, her anger only made matters worse and with a sickening crash, the TV exploded. Her eyes wide, Raven glanced around the room panicked as several more crashes sounded. Finally, as if waking from a trance, she shook herself and fled the room, locking herself securly in her own room, her every breath puncuated by a crash or a bang.

Taking a few deep breaths, she slowly began to chant "Azarath, metrion, zinthos"

Slowly and painfully, she forced her emotions back into the box inside of her where she kept them locked up so they would not hurt anyone.

After a few moments that seemed to last hours, Raven, breathed a sigh of relief and despair. The emptiness had returned, it felt like she was made of a giant black hole. Her friends knew she could not afford to feel, but they could never imagine what it felt like to not feel. It was cold. Always so cold. Raven shook herself from her grim thoughts and stood up. '_This is the way it must be. I must protect them from myself. No matter what.' _With another sigh, softer this time, she slowly walked to her window and stared out at the night stars. She had purposely chosen her room on this side of the tower so that it is almost never in the sunlight and always has the best view of the stars. There was something about the stars that gave her hope, little pinpricks of light in a vast sea of darkness. Maybe, just maybe, she wasn't completely evil inside. Her father's legacy haunted her every nightmare, and she was terrified that one day she would realize, she was just like him inside, empty, soulless, evil.

Raven's thoughts were interuppted once again by a timid knock on the door.

"Raven?" A soft voice said. Male. Soft, but still somehow defiant, couragous. The voice of a true leader. How she loved that voice.

"Go Away, Robin." She said, her voice a clear monotone. There was a pause as if the Boy Wonder was not quite sure what to say.

"We just wanted to see if you were OK." He said finally, "Can I come in?"

Taking a deep breath, Raven realized her well-meaning friend was not about to leave until he got proof that she was not about to explode the Tower. Telekinetically, she slid her door open.

"See, Robin, I'm fine. Powers in control. You can go now." She said, without bothering to turn away from the window. She was scared what would happen if she looked at him.

"Well...if you're sure..." He said, taking an uncertain step into her forbidden room. She could tell her words had hurt him, and she screamed inside for that, but the cold voice inside her head again reminded her it was necessary. '_Don't let him get close. Push him away, keep him far away, keep him safe._'

Suddenly the Boy Wonder seemed to regain his composure, he strode across the room and grabbed her arm, spinning her around so that she was facing him.

"Look at me Raven." He said, but she just pulled her hood up further, avoiding his eyes. Gently, he reached out and lifted her chin so that her eyes gazed into his. Shocked by the tenderness of his action, Raven's eyes widened and a vase on a shelf in her room exploded and scattered into thousands of pieces. "We want to help you, _I_ want to help you. We're your friends, you can trust us."  
"Honestly, Robin, I'm fine. Just a minor slip. It won't happen again." Her monotonous voice sounded hollow even to her own ears, and her violet eyes flicked with emotion for a fraction of a second. Then it was gone and Robin found himself staring into two violet colored voids, hiding behind them whatever was going through Raven's head. He found himself transfixed by her eyes, as if maybe if he stared at them enough, they would give him some hint, some clue, _anything_ about his dark team-mate. After a minute, Robin realized he was still staring at her, her chin in his hand, and stepped back, embarrassed.

"We're here for you, Raven, please talk to us." He said, his face almost pleading, but he found no reply in her stone cold exterior. With a sigh, he turned and left, pausing at the door for a final glance at Raven. "You can trust us." He said, and then he was gone, another shadow in the night. The door closed behind him, though neither was sure exactly which had closed it.

Staring at her own closed door, Raven's blank eyes concealed the turmoil with in her mind. Then she turned away and began to chant, glowing with dark energy.

Outside her room, Robin paused a moment, and listened. Hearing her begin chanting, he shook his head slightly then continued on to his own room, lost in thought. However, despite the growing late hour, Robin found himself unable to sleep, troubled by something he could not quite put his finger on. In his mind, he kept seeing her blank eyes, her cold, pale face. Finally, frustrated he head to the training room to release his anger on a defenseless punching bag.


	2. Burned

It was nearing three am when Cyborg walked in, watching his obviously exhausted leader beat the crap out of a punching bag for a few minutes before commenting.

"You're up late" He said, his voice neutral.

"So are you." Robin replied, not turning from his workout.

"I was working on the T-car and i head the commotion." Cyborg said, walking over and putting a hand on his shoulder, and his sincere gesture of concern was too much, Robin slumped over, exhausted defeated.

"Whats wrong, Rob?" Cyborg asked, concerned  
"Its Raven. I just don't understand what's going on with her. Her powers are going haywire, theres obviously something wrong but she wont talk to anyone, and i dont know if i'm more scared because she could blow us all up accidentally, or because she's hurting and i can't help her."  
"I don't know, dude, we're all worried. We need to get Raven to talk to us...or something. I love her like a sister, and i hate seeing her like this as much as you do."

"I just wish there was _something_ we could _do_. I'm a man of action. I can't just sit back and let this happen."

"I know, Rob. So do I. So do I." The two Titans, exchanged a long look, then wordlessly headed back to their own respective rooms.

Raven was the first awake the next morning, sitting up abruptly, her forhead damp with a cold sweat. Taking a deep breath, she took a quick catalog of the things that were broken this morning, for the past few weeks she had been having nightmares and as a result her powers were acting up in her sleep. Finding that nothing too major had been destroyed, she lay down again, suddenly dizzy. '_when was the last time i ate food? solid food?_' she wondered to herself, pushing herself off the bed again. Afer a moments consideration, she realized she honestly couldn't remember, she had been surviving on her herbal tea. It wasn't exactly a conscious effort to starve herself, she just wasn't hungry most of the time. Gathering a few things, she hurried down the hall to the bathroom she shared with Starfire and closed and locked the door.

Stripping quickly, she stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. Her skin was almost a translucent pale white, and was stretched over her protruding ribs. Since when had she lost so much weight? She wondered, noticing how thin she looked. She stepped onto the small bathroom scale, her eyes bugging out at the low number. _'Thats almost twenty pounds! How did that happen?!'_

She studied herself in the mirror once again, touching her own check for a moment. _'So pale, so cold, so ugly. Nothing here to love._' Unableto bear looking at herself any longer, she jumped into the shower, the water burning hot, enjoying the burning sensation she got and it hit her skin.

Meanwhile, the other Titans had woke up and began their morning rituals, Beast boy and Cyborg were arguing tofu verse bacon, Robin was back in the training room for a morning session, and Star was cheerfully flitting from place to place, greeting each of her friends.

"Friend Raven!" She cried joyously as Raven walked slowly into the common room.

"Hi." Raven replied as equally unenthusiastic as Star was enthusiastic.

"Hey Rae, want some good yummy Tofu?" Beast boy asked, shoving a plate towards the violet-eyed girl.

"No, Rae, have some bacon, its much better that pile of gooey-"

"Hey!"

Raven ignored the ensuing scuffle between her friends and instead pulled up her hood, hiding her face, and made herself some herbal tea. She was still dizzy and shivering slightly. Unconsciously, she huddled in closer to the delicious warmth of the stove, while waiting for her water to boil. Finally it did and she poured it into a mug, watching the steam rise almost hypnotically. It was so warm and she was so very cold...

"Raven!" Cyborg's sharp cry interrupted her blissful enjoyment of the heat, and she looked up at him, irritated. His eyes were wide and he pointed at her hand "Raven, you're pouring boiling water on your hand!" Following his gaze, Raven looked down to see her mug had overflowed and boiling hot water was spilling over her left hand. She stared at it uncomprehending as a few red welts began to rise on her skin. She didn't feel any pain, just a warm feeling. She might have stood there all day, staring at her hand, yet still pouring the water had Beast Boy not come over and snatched the tea pot and mug out of her hands.

"What did you do that for?" He asked, examining her hand. "It doesn't look too bad but you should probably put a bandage on it or something..."

"No...I'm fine..." She replied distractedly, picking up her mug from where Beast Boy had dropped it on the counter. Taking a sip of her tea, she wandered off in the general direction of her room, leaving her friends staring after her in shock.


	3. Fight

After a few days, the welts healed and the incident was pushed to the back of everyones minds, especially since no one particularily _wanted_ to remember it. Only Robin still glanced at Rae's hand worriedly from time to time, but eventually even those glances became fewer and further in between. It was about a week later when the alarm went off in the Titan Tower in the middle of the night, instantly awakening the slumbering Titans. It was a couple of sneak thieves, trying to relieve a jewelry store of some of its diamonds and remain below the radar of the Titans. Unfortunately for them, there had been a lull in crime lately due to some devastating Titan victories, so the Titans were free and eager to take on a few mere humans.

They arrived at the scene as the thieves were making their getaway, bags of stolen jewels clutched in their grasp.

"Amatuers." Beast Boy said, shaking his head disdainfully.

"Titans GO!" Robin shouted, and all five Titans dove towards the three retreating forms. The thieves became more and more panicked as they ran, changing direction erractically, and constantly looking over their shoulders at the Titans who were steadily gaining. Finally, they found themselves in a deserted alleyway, with a smooth twenty foot wall blocking their escape. Sweating, the thieves turned to face the Titans.

"We do not wish to harm you, please return the shining jewels and come with us peacefully!" Star called out to the thieves, but they ignored her adn one of them launched themselves at Cyborg, kicking him squarly in the jaw.

"Why you...you're gonna pay for that!" Cy yelled, running after the thief. The other Titans entered the fight and arms and legs flew everywhere as the Titans discovered the thieves may be only humans, but they were pretty decent fighters. It took several minutes, but then Cy and Star were holding down two of the thieves while Raven, Beast Boy and Robin worked to subdue the other. The black masked thief threw a kick that hit Beast Boy in temple and he spun around then fell to the ground, groaning. The man then turned to Robin, who had ran to help Star tie up one the thieves, and pulled out a knife.

"No!" Raven yelled and black energy surrounded the knife, propelling it up and over the huge wall in the far side of the alley. The thief whirled on Raven and threw another knife at her, but she lifted her shield up just in time. _'Where is he getting these from?!_' Raven wondered as the thief pulled out yet another knife. Lunging at Raven, he grinned wickedly under his mask.

Raven blocked his thrust and then kicked him in the gut, knocking him gasping to the ground, then hurried to go tie him up. At the last instant, the thief jumped up and threw his dagger at Raven. Raven lifted her hand to raise her shield, and black energy flickered, and then died.

"What..." She said, her eyes widening. Then she dove to the ground as the knife flew by. She was not fast enough though, the knife sliced through her shoulder causing bright red blood to spill over the dark alleyway. Raven stared at the blood in amazement for a moment, then looked up to see Robin and BB tying up the thief. Slowly, she stood up, pressing a hand to her shoulder to stem the bleeding.

"Raven, you OK?" Robin called to her, and she nodded.

"Yeah, the cuts not that deep..." she said and took a step towards him. Suddenly the world spun and she found herself falling into darkness, hearing the shrill sound of Star's scream just before she hit the ground.


	4. Powers

Sorry this is short! More is coming soon, I promise.

Thanks for the reviews Nightwish13 and JenniferStills!

Now on with the show

Raven woke up in the Med wing of the Titan's Tower to find her team-mates gathered around her. Cy and Beast Boy were towards the back of the room talking quietly, Star was asleep on one side of her bed, and Robin sat on the other, his eyes staring off into the distance. Slowly, Raven closed her eyes again and gathered her thoughts, before her friends realized she was awake. '_what happened? Oh right...the thief, he threw a knife at me. That jerk. The cut wasn't that bad...why do i feel so weak? Ugh, i guess i better get up.'_ She suddenly sat up, startling all of her friends, and tried to get out of bed, but Robin and Star grabbed her.

"Raven you are awake!" Star cried happily.

"Yes. now get off of me." Raven replied, her voice monotone.

"Sorry, Rae, but that cut shouldn't have been enough to make you faint. And we all saw your powers fail. Obviously something is wrong, and you're gonna have to stay here until we figure it out." Robin said, sternly pushing her back into bed.

"I'm fine. I'm leaving." Raven said, attempting to slide through the floor, but nothing happened. _'What the...?'_ She wondered, stopping her struggles with her friends for a moment.

"No. You're not." Robin said, and Cy and BB nodded behind him

"We just want you to get better, Rae." Cy said. Raven tried to get up again, only to be forced back down.

"Let me GO!" She yelled, beginning to get angry. Her head spun and black dots danced in her vision. For a dizzying moment she thought she was going to pass out again, and she started panting.

After a moment, her vision cleared, and she saw her friends staring at her in concern. She was breathing heavy, and she was _angry_ and frustrated, yet nothing was blowing up.

Slowly, the realization hit Raven and she fell back onto her pillow. '_My powers...when i am weak, they are weak...So that means that when i am this weak...i can _feel.' A sudden feeling of relief and joy swept over her for a moment, and black energy flickered then faded. '_The weaker i am, the weaker my powers are._' Raven thought, then realized she was smiling. Her team-mates were staring at her confused, as they had just watched their friend go from angry to happy...without blowing anything up.

"Raven...how...?" Beast Boy asked, his eyes wide.

"I don't know." She lied, but her grin got wider. "Anyone up for a slice of pizza?"

So for breakfast that morning, the titans gathered in the Medwing, since Rae was still forbidden to leave bed as she tried to stand and collapsed again, and they had a pizza party, and for the first time since Raven joined the Titan, Raven joined in the laughing and joking around. It was a bizarre sound, to hear Raven laugh, but for some reason, it made the Titans feel complete, as if something that was missing was now there. However, Raven, as weak as she was, was only up for a few hours before passing out again.

She woke around midday to find the Medwing deserted, and she grinned happily remembering the pizza party this morning. Then, to her dismay, all of the light bulbs in the med wing simultaneously exploded. Raven cursed to herself, then hearing footsteps coming up, cursed even more. Quickly, she slid through the floor and made it to her own room undected, and locked herself in.


	5. Return

Sorry this took so long! Thanks for all the reviews and i have alot more coming (if you want it):-)

It was Robin that came knocking on her door as she knew one of them would. She ignored the knock, but Robin must have got Cy to override her security codes and he opened her door. She stood on the far side of her room, intently studying her bookshelf, trying not to think of the unbearable pain that her return to her emotionless state cause, for the sake of herself, her unwanted visitor, and the world at large. If she allowed herself to give in to that pain...

"Raven, are you ok? We heard explosions."

"Fine, Wonder boy." she said in a flat monotonous voice, her face expressionless. Something inside Robin tore to see her back in her old state of apparent unfeeling after seeing her so happy just a few short hours ago. "You've probably already guessed my powers have returned. I'm fine, because i need to be. If i wasn't then i would have already exploded the tower. Even as weak as i am, i do have that much power. At full strength i could probably destroy the whole city." Raven stopped, horrified. She had not meant to say that much, and she turned to look at Robin, looking for a reaction in his hidden eyes.

"Raven. Tell me. You know why your powers stopped working, and you know why they returned. Tell me...maybe we can help you, find a way for you to turn off your powers every now and then..."

"Robin, they can't just turn off. The only didn't work today because i was so weak. I guess from lack of blood." Raven said, but her mind was buzzing at Robin's suggestion...maybe there _was_ a way to "turn off" her powers...if there was a way she could weaken herself and keep herself weak, then her powers wouldn't work, maybe, just maybe she would be able to feel...

"Raven?" Robin asked, breaking into her thoughts. She had been so entranced by the idea that she hadn't heard whatever Robin was saying to her.

"Uh, what?" She said. Robin sighed, and closed Raven's door then walked over and sat on her bed. She glared at him for his intrusion into her room, but then gave in and went and sat next to him.

"Talk to me Raven, we're all so worried." He said, almost pleadingly. Raven stared into his masked eyes for a moment, trying to detect the emotion behind his mask, then looked away.

"Don't worry, Wonder boy, I'll be able to fight when the time comes" She said, standing up and turning her back, missing the look of irritation that flickered on Robin's face.

"Damn it, Raven! Its not just your fighting ability we're worried about! WeI'm worried about _you_." Angery, and frustrated, Robin turned to leave, glancing back over his shoulder once before leaving. For a second Raven's cold mask cracked and a strange look came into her eyes. Then Robin found himself proppelled the rest of the way into the hallway and the door, surrounded by dark energy, firmly slammed behind him. The sound echoed hollowly through the empty hallway where Raven's room was located. Inside her room, Robin heard the grating sound of Raven's dresser being moved in front of the door to prevent further entry, accompanied by the sounds of random explosions as her power struggled against her control. Inside her room, Raven stood staring blankly at the door, tears streaming silently down her cheeks, dark energy crackling about the room. Finally, she took a deep breath, and forced herself to stop crying before her power got completely out of control.

"Azarath, metrion, zinthos" she chanted, over and over until her room spun into darkness and she collapsed back onto her bed. She did not know how long she slept, or how long she laid in bed, unmoving, her eyes glazed and unseeing, her will to move, to live, to anything, completely vanished.


	6. Slice

Finally, she stirred slightly, looking around. It was dark in her room, all of the lightbulbs had exploded, and the sun had long since faded from the sky outside her window. It must have been cloudy out because all she saw when she looked out her window was a deep black void that seemed to draw her in, into the darkness. After a moment of staring, transfixed, out the window, she shook her head and pushed herself into a sitting position. The dark decor of her room reflected no stray light, so the darkness was complete. For some reason, she felt more comfortable in the dark anyway, in the dark she didnt have to worry about hiding herself because the dark did that for her. Calmly, she stepped down onto he floor, her bare feet touching the cool wood. She stood still for a moment as her head spun, then continued on her way. Her foot brushed against some broken glass, sending it tinkling across her room and she sighed, imagining having to wake the other Titans to stitch her foot from having stepped on broken glass. Making a face, she whispered,

"Azarath, metrion, zinthos" and her hand glowed slightly. Using that light, she made her way safely to her closet where she kept a supply of candles and matches for an occasion such as this.

Quickly, she lit a candle and let the glow on her hand extinguish. She was getting her strength back faster then she thought possible. Of course, she was a healer, and she was far from full strength, but still, her powers were coming back in force and she welcomed them and hated them at the same time. Turning around, she surveyed the damage done to her room. Everything was off the shelves and thrown about, and almost everything breakable was. With a sigh, she began to clean up.

She worked for about a half an hour before she came to the glass she had orginally encountered and saw what it was. It had been part of a picture frame, holding a picture of her and the other Titans. When her power caused it to explode, the shards of glass had torn through the picture, tearing it to shreds. Shaking slightly, she stared at the torn picture laying dejectedly on her floor. _'Is this what is going to become of us? Torn apart by my power? Am I going to destroy them?' _she wondered, fear rising in her.

She was terrified of losing them, terrified of hurting them, terrified of herself. Frustration and anger welled up in her as she tried to clean up the glass and put the picture back together with shaking hands. She couldn't do it and instead just stared at the picture, trying to hold the shreds together. Her hands were clenched in fists so tight her knuckles were white. After a while, she realized a stinging pain was coming from her hand and she looked at it, watching bright red blood drip from her fist onto the floor. Slowly, she opened her hand and realized she had been clenching her fist on a piece of glass. Instead of feeling hurt though, she felt good, she felt relieved. The blood fascinated her and the pain released her from her inner torment. As if in a dream, she raised the glass shard to her arm and pressed it down, slowly moving it across, staring in childlike wonder as her pale skin parted revealing dark red blood. It didn't hurt like it should, instead it felt comforting, it felt like all the emotions she was trying so hard to bottled up were just draining out of her.

When she finally snapped out of the trancelike state, five more cuts crossed her forearm and wrist, and her hands and the floor around her was covered in blood. She jumped back, startled and disgusted at herself. _'What the hell are you doing! Are you stupid! What would the others think of you if they found out? They would think you were crazy and lock you up! Oh God, I can't let them see this, they would never understand...I never meant to... I can't _believe _i just did that. I'm a weak pathetic fool.' _Disgusted, she jumped to her feet, ignoring the slight feeling of dizziness, and found some tissues which she used to stop the bleeding and clean up the blood. She tried to heal the cuts but nothing happened, her powers were weak again, and were never meant to be used on herself.

Thankful that her leotard had long sleeves, Raven pulled her sleeves down, hoping the cuts wouldn't start bleeding until she had time to find some bandages or something. She put all of her bloody tissues and the bloody pieces of glass in one bag and hurried to bring it outside, so the others wouldnt see any of the blood. She quickly dumped it in the dumpster behind the Titan tower and turned to go back inside, nearly jumping out of her skin when she encountered a soft sold form.


	7. Numb

"Geez Raven, aren't we jumpy this morning." Beast Boy said, picking himself off the ground from where he had fallen after his collision with Raven.

"Sorry Beast Boy." She mumbled and quickly hurried past him.

"Raven, you ok?" He called after her, but the violet haired girl was already gone. He stared after her for a moment, trying to place the strange metallic smell he had smelt on her. Then he shook his head and continued on his way into the kitchen for some tofu.

Raven paused around the corner of the hallway, her heart thumping. _'That was close. Too close.'_ she thought to herself _'What was Beast Boy doing up this time of night anyway?' _she wondered, irritated, then realized that the sun had been rising when she was outside and it was morning, the Titans usually woke up early for breakfast and training. As if on cue, she heard foot steps down the hallway and the overly cheery voice of Starfire as well as the calm voice of Robin. Quickly, Raven ducked into a storage closet, unwilling to face her fellow Titans. She left the door open a crack so she could see them pass.

"Oh, Robin, that would be just joyous! Will you really take me to the mall of shopping?" Starfire was saying, her face lit up with joy.

"Uh, sure Starfire, its no problem" Robin replied, giving her a half smile. She hugged him enthusiasically only letting go when he protested that he couldn't breath.

Raven sighed in relief once they were past, a strange feeling coming over her. With a shock, she realized she was jealous. '_Jealous? Of what?'_ Before she could ponder that further, she once again heard footsteps and dove back into the closet just as cyborg went past, muttering something to himself. As soon as he was gone, Raven fled back to her room, though first taking a detour to the bathroom to grab some first aid things, and then slammed the door behind her, panting.

Looking down, she realized the sleeve of her bodysuit was soaked in blood. Cursing softly, she tossed her first aid supplies on the bed and got to work. It only took her a few minutes to bandage her arm, and then she paused staring at her work critically. It was a little bulky, but it worked.

_'And it was not as if any of the others will notice. They never noticed anything about me before, why should they start now?'_ she thought to herself, changing into a fresh leotard. '_good thing i do my own wash_' Still not wanting to face her teammates, Raven grabbed her favorite Edgar Allen Poe book and spread out on her bed, instantly absorbed.

Raven passed through the next few weeks in a haze, only seeing the other Titans when there was an emergency, then disappearing back to her room, never saying so much as a word to any of them. It wasn't as though she was avoiding them on purpose, but merely that she didn't feel like talking, and didn't notice the fact that she now spent twenty-four/seven locked alone in her room. The other Titans did notice, though. And worried. But none of them knew what to do about it, so they just left Raven alone, because that was obviously what she wanted.

Raven's full powers returned in just a few days, as she always was a quick healer. However, for once in her life, she didn't have trouble with her emotions. They were locked deep inside and she moved through each day as if she was in a trance, not feeling anything, not caring about anything. In fact, most days she forgot to even eat and just lay in her bed all day staring at the ceiling, not thinking, hardly even sleeping, for when she slept she was tortured by nightmares of pain and her father, and death and destruction, instead she just waited for the next time the Titans would be called. It was her uncaring attitude about eating that finally forced the other Titans to take action.

"Is it just me or does Raven look thinner than usual?" Beast Boy asked, after Raven had disappeared just after completing their mission.

"She has not visited the place of eating in many days" Starfire added, a concerned look on her face.

"Maybe she keeps food up in her room?" Cyborg said doubtfully. Robin frowned and the others fell silent for a moment, staring at the ceiling, the floor, anything but each other.

"Should we do something? I mean she seems to be ok...she hasn't lost control of her powers at all in at least a month..." Beast Boy trailed off, knowing that Raven was obviously not ok.

"She hasn't left her room in the last month." Robin commented quietly, obviously worried. But for once, their fearless leader didn't have a clue what to do.

"She doesn't want to talk to us...If we try she just slides through the wall or ceiling or anything and disappears. We can't exactly force her." Cyborg threw himself down on the couch, frustrated.

"Our friend is in need we cannot just give up!" Starfire protested "We must go and make Raven better and happy! We must cure her problems immediately!"

"I don't think its that simple, Star." Robin said, shaking his head, then sitting down next to Cyborg. "We'll talk to her...tomorrow...we'll talk to her tomorrow."

Meanwhile, Raven paced her room, whispers and half thoughts running through her mind.

'_Come on...you know you want to...destroy...you have the power...destroy it all..'_

_'No, you must be free and happy and joyous, it is a WONDERFUL day!'_

_'Its night you idiot.'_

_'ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP' _"SHUT UP!" Raven yelled at her babbling emotions, not even realizing she was shouting aloud. Suddenly her arm had this tickling itching feeling and Raven ripped up her sleeve, staring at the perfect white scars. So beautiful and straight. Perfect lines that lined up and made perfect sense. Nothing else made sense everything was all jumbled up inside and everything in her head was screaming and pulling her in all different directions. Calmly, she walked over to her desk and opened her draw, routing around for a few moments before finding a pair of scissors. She sat down abruptly on the floor and brought the cool metal to her skin, enjoying the feeling of utter calmness and quiet that came over her as it dragged over her pale white skin, the pain making her gasp, yet it felt so very good. Her skin parted and soon was stained crimson and she brought the cut to her mouth, licking off a little of the blood. Then she got back to work, playing with the blood and each time the flow began to slow, opening a new rip, a new tear. The blood flowed out of her, purifying her, freeing her. The pain she could feel, it was better than the numbness, yet without the insanity of her emotions. It was beautiful and pure and freed her from all her burdens.

When she ran out of room on one arm, she switched to the other, slowly and meticulously cutting straight parallel lines across herself. Her order, her sanity. Everything made sense as long as she kept making straight parallel lines. Eventually she moved on to her upper thighs, but didn't get far before becoming exhausted. Without bothering to clean up, she fell into bed and into a deep dreamless sleep, a peaceful, restful sleep that she so desperately needed.


End file.
